responsibility

And now some ramblings on the responsibility of motherhood.

I am fascinated by The Duggars. I should be clear that I am far from as strict or dedicated religiously as they are. In fact, I'm not sure exactly what religion they identify themselves with, or what their particular beliefs are. They are famous for being very conservative Christians and for having 19 children. Neither of these things is what fascinates me.

They teach some very practical and wise financial principles, based on living debt free and being frugal. They live in a beautiful custom built home that they built as a family, with no mortgage. Their home is extremely well-organized, despite having 19 children, and runs like a well-organized machine. Furthermore, they home school all of their children. When I watch their show I'm always so impressed by how intelligent their children are. They all have impressive vocabularies, they are well-spoken and witty, and they all seem to possess a remarkable sense of self-confidence. Clearly they are doing something right as parents. I ordered myself their book in late November, really looking for insights on what they are doing that makes them so successful as parents. The thing that stuck out at me was homeschooling. They follow a basic curriculum, but incorporate in the things that are important to them as a family. As it's done at home, they are able to build a strong foundation for their children, based on "character qualities" they deem important, in an environment free from the harsh judgment or ridicule that might come in a public school setting.

I've had some issues with Libby's schooling. I could go on and on, but those who know me know that these are certainly not imagined concerns, and they make me really question my faith in the school system. I'm not talking about little classroom concerns, I'm talking about big picture issues--such as the school going through 3 principals in 3 years, skirting around issues with staff members when numerous complaints have been filed by parents and other faculty alike...

I think Libby is bored in pre-school. It is a large class, with little to no one-on-one attention, and creates an environment difficult for engaging young minds, in my opinion. Socially, I'm honestly appalled at the tween-ish issues I've observed already, at this age. One girl told Libby she had an ugly face and couldn't play with them anymore. This girl is a "frenemy"--something I thought existed only in the much older grades, but clearly occurs here as well. A pattern of bouncing between Libby's best friend and her bully has emerged here, and I'm not thrilled with how it's been handled. Beyond that, I'm seeing Libby start to lose some of her previously overwhelming self-confidence and fearlessness. When we lived in the woods, before she went to school, and had chickens and our gardens and goat she had amazing confidence and fearlessness. She was happy to dig in the dirt, interact with the animals, touch them, feed them, and help with their care. She worked with Daddy in his garden and she had a boldness. Suddenly I'm watching these qualities slowly dissipate, replaced with tears when she gets off the bus and concerns about if she really has an "ugly face."

As the school year has gone on, I find myself annoyed with sending her to school, like it inconveniences us. I can send her to school to color another picture, or I can give her a valuable experience. Libby loves to learn, she loves reading, she loves to explore. Her sister also loves new experiences, exploring, and meeting people. We visit the aquarium frequently, we read at home, and have done projects and crafts at home since Libby was 2 years old. We go on "adventures," whether they take us to our backyard, the park, or a day trip. I think my kids get a fair amount of mental stimulation in our daily happenings.

I've had visions of us ditching preschool and spending our days reading together, having day trips and play dates. Visiting the aquarium and spending time with our hands in the touch tank. Going to the zoo and saying hello to the monkeys and the baby giraffe. Or visiting museums, taking our time in exhibits, letting the girls guide themselves through them, deciding what they want to take in. Of Libby and I at our kitchen table, conversing with her new friends from the alphabet.

Opportunities to teach pop up all the time, and we take advantage of these opportunities. Libby has expressed a desire over the past several weeks to learn about letters. I researched different programs, gave it some time to see if it would come up again, and when I was convinced she was truly interested, ordered this. I've flipped through it and decided we'll start Monday.

I went to the library and collected a stack of books on homeschooling, and ordered books on socialization of homeschooled children, things to consider when making the decision, and different types of homeschooling. I've read countless articles online, forum and blog posts written by other parents, and contacted the leader of a very active local (and surprisingly large for our little corner of the world)homeschooling group for more information.

The sum of all of these things is that I am giving homeschooling some very serious consideration. I'm not saying it's something I'll definitely do, and it's not at all a decision I take lightly. (Which is why I've been researching it since November and now in January am still very much fence sitting and continuing to research the options.) But the more I think about it, the more I think "I could do this." I could tailor their education to their needs, work one on one with each of them. Help foster their interests. Teach them about something, and then take them to go see it. They could continue to participate in programs at the zoo, aquarium, and museum. I see them having meaningful educational experiences, building confidence through creative play and problem-solving, and learning the "character qualities" my husband and I feel are important.

Social interaction would be my biggest concern, but I think we could keep that up as well. We have fairly regular play dates with kids their ages. Libby does gymnastics and will be signed up for soccer once that gets going. If I could continue to allow the opportunities for socialization, I think this could be a great option for us. I still have lots of thinking, praying, and researching to do, but I'm excited at the prospect of taking on this task.